Hearing without listening

BEING a good communicator implies not only putting things across in an understandable way, but also listening attentively to what is being said and responding appropriately. Have you ever felt people were not listening to you when you were talking? Or maybe you pretended to listen to your friend talking, but your mind was on other things (even though you may not want to admit it). In reality, all of us like it when whoever we are talking to, actually listens to what we say and responds to us in an appropriate manner.

Listening is a skill; and to be an effective listener takes a certain amount of discipline. Effective listening therefore means that you not only hear what the other person is saying, but you understand the message and respond in a considerate, appropriate way. A good listener usually trains oneself to follow closely what the other person is saying. Even though some things that are said may upset the listener, one should avoid re-acting while the other person is talking. A good listener tries to understand the other person's point of view and responds appropriately.

A typical example where one hears without listening is one that occurs in school or college. A teacher may be explaining a lesson but the student, despite looking alert, does not digest the subject because he or she may be preoccupied with personal problems. Similarly at work, you may be given instructions on an errand, but a few minutes later, when you have to do the task, you don't remember what the imminent task is. This is something that happens quite often to all of us. We seem to be listening, but our minds are on other things.

One source of reference explains this habit to the fact that an average person's mind works so rapidly, that it rushes ahead and thinks four times faster than the speaker. So, when someone is talking, for every minute one spends listening, one has 45 seconds to think of other things. However even if this is true, this should not be used as an excuse not to listen - we need to discipline ourselves to concentrate on what is being said.

Communication implies not only speaking, but also listening. Communication is always two-way, i.e. there is a message and a response to that message. Often, the response can be verbal, especially in a conversation. And, how can one respond, if one does not listen to what is being said?

Listening is a very important skill in our daily lives - not only at home, but also at school or places of work. If you have good listening skills, people respond better to you - they realise that you care about them and what they say.