We have amidst us a very pressing social problem and are dutybound to help alleviate its intensity. I am not an expert on this matter but neither am I blind to an extent that I cannot see many girls of our community suffering in silence in what one may call the 'Waiting Game'.
As a matured community we need to be pragmatic in our actions so that we solve problems that are at hand. One problem that needs to be encountered is that of the plight of spinsters who look forward to marriage but yet because of a number of reasons fail to get suitable partners during their marriageable age.
We all have a dream, a dream of a marriage, the marriage of our daughters who share our dream shyly and secretly but who at the same time harbour apprehension that their dream could easily be shattered for lack of suitable partners.
And as our daughters grow older and still older, our dreams turn into anxiety and then worry and then despair and ultimately we are beseiged with anguish of the type that steals away our sleep at night.
Our daughters too share the agony but again silently and secretly. They wait and wait and still keep on waiting for a suitable partner. In the meantime that time which waits for no one passes and so does the marriageable age.
What causes this problem? Is it our custom, culture or tradition that we wait for a boy to propose to a girl? It is partly cultural and traditional and although not unislamic, it is only natural. Natural because man is created to be a protector and a guardian over women and thus it is he who normally chooses who is going to be his girl. With such a philosophy it is made to appear illogical for a girl to choose her guardian but then the question ensues -- Why not?
A man and woman are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They fit into each other and become one. Although they are not equal partners they are complementary to each other. Agreed but let us now face reality. What is the present situation?
Our Community has grown in number and has spread far and wide apart. The ratio of girls and boys between the ages of 15 to 30 far exceeds that of children and old people and this is causing serious social problems especially with regard to marriage.
Years ago when there were no TV Stations and videos, we used to visit friends, relatives and neighbours and through such social mingling would notice and find partners for marriage. But one paradox of modern technology is that it has deprived us from this mutual match-making.
There are good intending ladies and gents in the community who despite criticisms have continued to solve this waiting torture by getting the right boy for a girl. May Allah (SWT) bless them in their endeavours.
But our society and its customs do not allow the girls to take the initiative because we say the girl is a flower, so she has to be picked. However with this attitude we leave the girls with no choice and very often they have to make do with whatever boy they get.
Let us not forget the classic example of Ummul Momineen Bibi Khadija who proposed to our Holy Prophet (SAW). She saw the sublime qualities of the Holy Prophet (SAW) and realised that her qualities would complement his and thus she took the initiative and the choice was hers. She was in no want of proposals and how graciously the Holy Prophet (SAW) accepted the proposal and how invaluable she proved to the cause of Islam.
But for a girl to take the initiative in our society is a social taboo. She will be looked down upon with disdain and disrespect and will be accused of sinning or joked about. The result is that she waits, sometimes even outgrowing her prime age of marriage and then becoming of middle age.
We now have to ask ourselves this question. Why are some of our girls allowed to remain spinsters?
Is it lack of initiative on our part?
Is it the indifference? or
Is it our self satisfaction?
Although match-making is a noble exercise which should be centralised and institutionalised in every Jamat, we should try not to leave the destiny of our daughters to the match-makers because they are only there to handle a crisis situation. As parents, we owe it to our daughters not to let their marital issues end up in a state of crisis.
Let us remember that every daughter in the community is our daughter and that every normal marriageable daughter has the right to the realisation of her natural and noble dream of a blissful married life and motherhood in the same way as the one who gave birth to her.
Whilst we can and should continue to look into our immediate families with the intention of pairing boys and girls who are suitable to each other we should remember that we can't impose because the ultimate choice is that of the girl and boy. Good upbringing however often leads to a situation where children seek the guidance of their parents when seeking partners.
The important thing is that if the initiative does come from the girl’s side, let us not look at her with disdain and disrespect because in no way is this unislamic.
Let us also not close our eyes to the plight of young widows and divorcees who too have a right to decent and respectable living. Let us try to listen to the whispers, for my community is too proud to shout. May Allah (SWT) guide us to the right path and may the waiting for marraige in our community be reduced to a minimum.
We are all aware that human activities vary a great deal with regard to many issues. From an Islamic viewpoint however, there is a certain specified range of variability that is considered to be ‘Mubah’ or ‘Normal’.
The classification scheme of duties and rights for men and women, designed by the social scientists has evidenced error in concept and direction. The most serious defect in the classification scheme relates to the choice of parameters and the areas of interest. The problem has been troublesome for Muslims also partially because of the wide variety of disciplines involved in the understanding of Islamic laws e.g. anatomy, physiology, embryology and psychology.
It has been greatly realised now, that Science and Islam are inseparable components of truth. From an Islamic viewpoint, whether we study physics, chemistry, astronomy or theology, we are dealing with the same problem culminating in the knowledge of ourselves. Both Islam and Science educate us to live harmoniously with the divine Laws working in the universe and within ourselves. Scientists and theologians have however yet to learn that a scientific fact is as sacred as a religious truth and natural laws are as important as moral principles. The true religion, Islam, demands this allegiance.
In an analytical study of sociology, it should be first realised that humans are biological organisms. Thus the terms ‘Duty’ and ‘Right’ should be interpreted with reference to the biological structures of the two sexes. i.e. in order to assign social duties, the biological ‘make up’ of man and woman should be the primary criterion.
This is an Islamic viewpoint. i.e. we should formulate social laws in its total biological context. In Islamic Shariat, normative patterns appear in full agreement of biological demands of the two sexes.
Western Sociologists have contributed substantially in the sociological issues concerning women’s rights and duties but they have laboured to replace the old patriarchial myths with new feminist myths. The area of their research is enormous as it encompasses sex roles, cultural stereotypes, labour force, income differentials and many other issues of significant importance but despite their collective efforts, no single theory exists in the west that does not exhibit behavioural deficiencies. The common errors in gender studies have evolved due to the negligence of biological consideration of the two sexes.
There is a popular notion in the west and its allied communities that there should be no difference between men and women in their functions, activities and roles in society. This move has generated a unisex society in which efforts are being made to destroy differences between man and woman. The unisex cloths, shoes, hair style, common clubs, and swimming pools - are the manifestation of this conviction. In fact it is often difficult to identify one's sex when talking to these unisex models.
Apparently by the superficial features of the unisex theory, it seems that women have got more privileges in Western society in terms of material benefits and social status. There is also a widespread propaganda that Islam has deprived women from enjoying their natural rights and normal benefits which they very well enjoy in the contemporary world. There are accusations that women have no respect, no freedom and no life in Muslim society. Many ignorant Muslim women have also become the victim of this propaganda and feel that they are being mistreated by imposing on them Islamic legislative restrictions.
This is a very delicate and sensitive issue and a little error of presentation can create serious misunderstanding. In such a short article it is not possible to show at length how the west is disgracing, humiliating and exploiting women. But as a case in point may I refer to the 'Time' Magazine issue which reports in its special issue on ‘Women’ that 25,000 women commit suicide every year in Switzerland only and at one time the best selling book in Europe was "How to commit suicide". This all shows how unsatisfied women in the west are despite all the so called rights endowed to them. Moreover the number of criminal cases in which women die are also increasing at an enormous rate.
Islam regards women as important members of society and considers no difference between gender in terms of human virtues. The Qur’an declares that the only difference that is recognised by Islam between man and woman is taqwa.
"O you men, surely, we have created you of a male and a female, and made you tribes and families that you may know each other, surely the most honorable among you in the sight of Allah is the one who is the most God-fearing" (49:13).
By this the Qur'an has emphasised clearly that in Islam, both men and women are equal in their human rights and both have equal opportunities to achieve the highest honour and respect. Similarly in another verse, the Qur'an reveals that both men and women are equally capable of acquiring good attributes. In this regard a woman can achieve a higher position than man if she utilizses her energies in the right direction. The Qur’an admires both, men and women in equal terms if they possess good qualities.
"Men and women who have surrendered (unto Allah), believing men and believing women, enduring men and enduring women, truthful man and truthful women, obedient men and obedient women, humble men and humble women, men and women who guard their private parts, men and women who remember God much, for them God has prepared forgiveness and mighty reward" (33:35).
There are many other verses of the Qur’an and hadiths which clearly show that there is no difference between men and women as far as the human values are concerned. The Qur’an has rejected the fabricated stories added in some religious scriptures which shows the first woman was in some ways inferior to the first man and she was responsible for the expulsion of Adam.
The Qur’an teaches us that Allah (S.W.T.) has created humans in a similar pattern on which he has formulated the Shariat laws. Or He Has formulated the Shariat laws in accordance to the biological make-up of humans. This is a universal truth, acknowledged and recognised by all scientists. For instance, we all know that all different kinds of animals have some definite kind of food which they eat for their survival and do not eat other than that. The carnivorous animals such as lions, cats, dogs and bears feeding on flesh will never eat plants and fruits. The herbivorous animals such as cows, rabbits and elephants will instantly reject meat as they only eat plants. Why? The Scientists have good biological reasons for this attitude. They say that this is merely because of their body structure. Allah Tala has created each and every organism for a particular task. i.e. Allah (S.W.T.) has created different animals for different purposes. The anatomical and physiological make-up of these animals are in accordance to the purpose of their creation.
Thus the body structure, the living habits, the nature of foods and the biological mechanism of living organisms speak for themselves, the purpose they have been created for i.e. every creature is born with a special assignment which is manifested by its body. The Darwin’s phrase of "The survival of the fittest" is based on this law which he misinterpreted to fit into his irrational theory of evolution.
Thus in order to take full advantage of a living being’s potential, it is necessary to understand its body structure and internal body mechanism. Islam has taken this biological law as the fundamental criterion of formulating the social laws. All Islamic legislation regarding the rights and duties of man and women are based on biological laws. The unisex theory of the west is rejected by Islam on scientific ground. Islam condemns it because it has no scientific footing and biological clues to support its central thesis.
In Islamic Shariat, laws have been formulated with full consideration of anatomical, physiological and psychological features of men and women. The Western Scientists do not deny the prominent biological differences between men and women. In fact, many biological differences between men and women which were not known to us have been revealed by these scientists through their scientific research. We are taking the advantage of their discoveries to disprove their hypothetical theory of unisex. We believe that every scientific truth discovered further ratifies Islamic truths. We know that biologists consider man and woman two different living species of the same class. The supporters of unisex can only change the physical appearance of man and woman by unisex cloths and hair style. But how can they change the height, weight, voice and facial expressions of the two sexes which are remarkably different. Moreover can they change the construction of brain, the nervous system and internal body systems which are very different in males and females?
Both Islam and biology can justify why certain duties should be performed by women only and not by men or man alone and not by woman. By breaking the Shariat laws or biological laws, the natural beauty and the efficiency of work is affected. Let me just take one difference which unisex theorists have failed to overcome i.e. human reproduction. No supporter of unisex can deny that reproduction is entirely a woman's function after she concieves up to the time of the birth of the child. If man and woman should have equal rights and equal duties then why should only woman suffer in the reproduction process which always occurs after a mutual sharing of joy and pleasure?
A house wife exposes herself to a wide range of risks each times she is impregnated by her husband. In fact by claiming equal rights and equal duties, the West has deprived woman from her natural entitlements which she very much deserves. The reason that why Islam has restricted the woman’s role in social affairs is not to deprive her from her normal benefits but to compensate her for sufferings which she alone bears.
When man is not sharing equally the duties of motherhood with the woman, then why should women shoulder equally the burden of fatherhood. Thus equal rights or duties actually exploit the simple innocent women.
Allah (S.W.T.) has equipped both man and woman with special qualities. e.g. women have unique characteristics of showing maternal affection needed in the upbringing of children and warm feelings of emotion necessary for keeping a husband inspirited. Similarly men are endowed with talents to explore ways of satisfying woman’s desires. These natural tendencies are meant to prevail over all artificial classifications of duties and rights towards each other.
There is also a widespread propaganda against hijab. It is said that hijab is a literal show of woman’s imprisonment. I have no space to give here the recorded statistics of cases where women have been tortured, abused and killed because of freely mingling with the opposite sex in the name of freedom but such cases have and will continue to occur world-wide if girls remain unguided.
We know that there is a natural attraction between man and woman which has been created by Allah (S.W.T.) for a special purpose. The natural attraction and affinity for each other plays a key role in the formation of the family. This natural attraction created by Allah (S.W.T.) takes its natural course and exerts a positive influence on each other if the Shariah laws are maintained.
However these natural forces which work as a binding force between husband and wife can be misused by Nafs to develop unauthorized relations between man and woman. This is why the Islamic hijab provides a biological shield that regulates human behaviour within bounds. Thereby it covers the physical body of the woman and unveils her spiritual personality.